


I Slipped And Fell

by MirandasMadeOfStone



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Blow Jobs, Bullying, College, F/M, First Kiss, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, School Dances, Smoking, blowback, disabled toilet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-30 04:54:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5151026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MirandasMadeOfStone/pseuds/MirandasMadeOfStone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This little (cough cough) number is for @lilaviolet and the anon who requested it. Oh and stephsadickhead this had the Joy Division argument.</p><p>It was meant to be a drabble, then a ficlet but its about 9000 words so…possibly a one shot.</p><p>This comes with Blanche’s huge filthy smut warning!!!!!</p><p>Thanks to my wonderful beta how-ardently I think she liked as much as I do!</p>
    </blockquote>





	I Slipped And Fell

**Author's Note:**

> This little (cough cough) number is for @lilaviolet and the anon who requested it. Oh and stephsadickhead this had the Joy Division argument.
> 
> It was meant to be a drabble, then a ficlet but its about 9000 words so…possibly a one shot.
> 
> This comes with Blanche’s huge filthy smut warning!!!!!
> 
> Thanks to my wonderful beta how-ardently I think she liked as much as I do!

The school disco. Something Rae had absolutely dreaded. She’d filled two pages of her diary with a list of excuses (ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous) as to why she couldn’t go. She couldn’t use her old favourite of needing to study because they’d completed their end of year exams that week. It’s not as if she had any elderly relatives that she could claim needed a visit or chores that had to be done on a Friday night.

However, she’d thought she’d hit on a winner with saying she needed to babysit her sister that night. Except she hadn’t banked on Mrs. Gemmell ruining that when she’d mentioned the disco to her mother, who had insisted that it would be good for her to go. You’d think her bloody mother was the one going with all her excited chatter and asking her about outfits and giving unwanted advice on dancing with “young men”.

Her last ditch attempt had been telling Chlo and Izzy that a new album, one she had been squirreling her pennies away for, was being released on that very Friday. And, it would be rude not to listen to it thoroughly and make sure it was up to scratch. Chloe had rolled her eyes, tutted and subjected her to one of her famous pep-talks, suggesting it was high time that the feisty girl, who spoke her mind and could make everyone laugh, actually made a proper appearance at college.

Although her confidence had increased dramatically over the course of year, mostly thanks to her sessions with Kester, trying to stay under the radar at college was something Rae still took seriously. At the start of the year, it had been something she had deemed necessary, especially when she still felt she could neither eat in front of anybody, nor sustain a conversation with relative strangers.The new year had marked a real turning point for her, after she’d finally cracked when Stacey and her plastics had laid into her one time too many.

One freezing February afternoon, Stacey had demanded that Rae give her coat to Amy, who had soaked her own slipping in the snow. When Rae refused, Stacey had very publically announced that she had sufficient blubber not to need a coat. The insult, which would have sent her running, hiding at home, or even worse in the past, had caused fire to course through her veins. The resulting argument had become common room legend, particularly after she’d shredded Stacey’s shallow little group and walked off flipping the bird at her nemesis.

Chloe had been horrified for all of fifteen minutes, before realizing  that it  provided her with the perfect opportunity to become Queen of the sixth form. Despite having gained a lot of respect for her honest but not cruel outburst, Rae had chosen to carry on as before; focussing on her work and her small, but supportive, group of friends. Sticking up for other less popular students- those marginalised due to their looks, those deemed not sufficiently mainstream or those who simply searched solace hiding in the library- had never been her intention. But somehow, she had become a beacon for those who’d found college a challenge. Unfortunately, this only served to renew Stacey’s efforts to niggle and have a go at any available opportunity.

At least Stacey was highly predictable. That week, she’d already managed to turn a conversation about the disco into a public dig, an attempt at humiliation. She’d been discussing the dress she had bought from a new boutique in town and checking on who else had been there. No doubt to ensure that nobody would steal her thunder by turning up in the same outfit. Stacey had then allowed Lois and Amy to join in detailing the outfits they’d bought. Eventually, she turned the gaze of the lunch hall on Rae, asking if that’s where she’d bought her outfit. Rolling her eyes, Rae had shaken her head and walked off, only for Stacey to cry out her faux apology; of course the shop didn’t even stock clothes in Rae’s size.

Before Chloe could step in, Rae had grabbed her hand and dragged her outside where a very heated debate had ensued. Two cans of coke and a wagon wheel later, she’d found herself being talked into attending the disco by Izzy, whilst Chloe plotted about Rae’s outfit as well as how to manage Stacey. The pivotal moment had been neither a wish to defy the bullies, nor some grandiose revelation. Instead, it had been the quiet kindness and support of her friends, who didn’t give up and simply tried to continue to support her. Her presence genuinely meant a great deal to them, so how could she let them down?

Much as she had huffed and puffed about the whole affair at every opportunity, she had tried, at least for their sakes, not to moan too much about it. Wearing a dress would have been a step too far, so she opted for a black denim mini, purple converse, her Joy Division t-shirt and a black cardigan. Her one concession had been to allow Chloe to curl her hair, which she pinned back with a simple purple sparkly clip of Izzy’s. Aware that only the second years would be allowed the low-alcohol beer on offer, her contribution had consisted of a small bottle of vodka and a large bottle of coke, which they had consumed along to Saint Etienne’s “Nothing Can Stop Us.”

Whilst the alcohol caused a sense of courage to flow through her veins, it also served to render her less tolerant. They had only been inside the school hall for some thirty minutes when her gripes about the music developed from small mutterings and pained expressions to a full blown rant.

Grasping her paper cup of sickly non-alcoholic punch in her hand, she wandered towards the entrance hall and away from Gina G with Izzy and Chloe trailing in her wake.

“Slow down, slow down. The party’s that way!” Chloe sounded more than a little exasperated.

“Durr.” Rae rolled her eyes in an overly dramatic fashion.

“Well why have you made a beeline for the exit? Things are just starting to get warmed up.” Chloe attempted to sound a little more patient. “You’d have more fun if you came and danced with us rather than sitting at the side.”

“Dance? To this?” Rae threw a hand aloft and cast her eyes heavenwards. “Seriously?”

“It’s what people do at discos, Rae - dance.” Chloe’s tone was verging on patronising.

“I know the music’s not quite your thing…” Izzy began with a more conciliatory approach.

“Not quite my fucking thing would be the understatement of the sodding century!” Rae blurted out, her voice raised. “The Doors, The Beatles and maybe Nirvana would not be not quite my thing but at least they are passable. This utter shite…” She gesticulated wildly at the hall behind her. “This is the sort of music that makes my ears bleed. It’s that unbearable that it makes me feel physically sick. It’s manufactured for eight year old girls, who like dressing up in mummys clothes, plastering themselves in her make-up but still play with Barbies. So why the fuck would I want to listen to that crap?”

Looking up, she noticed Chloe looking nervous, Izzy a little worried, and the boy she’d met in the library barely suppressing a grin as he pushed his glasses back onto his nose.

“It’s bloody dire.” He ventured.

“How do you…?” Chloe asked, flicking her hair over her shoulder.

“Oh… we sometimes share a library table when we’re studying.” He responded, throwing a quizzical  smile in Rae’s direction.

Rae smiled back gratefully. The truth of their first encounter was that she had been hiding in the farthest corner, hoping to avoid both Stacey and the teachers. It had been one of those supremely bad days, where absolutely everything had gone wrong: she’d woken up late, they’d run out of sugar puffs for breakfast, she’d spilt tea down her Primal Scream t-shirt, her mother had insisted on driving her right up to the school gates, the batteries had run out on her walkman shortly after it chewed up her favourite mix-tape and she’d left her overdue essay at home. Skiving lessons in the library, she had hoped to redo the essay and prevent her mother being called in yet again. She’d been seeking the vital missing book to re-complete her work, when the curse of her clumsiness had struck yet again. Maybe standing on the bottom shelf, to search through the top shelf, hadn’t been the best idea. She’d been bloody lucky that Archie had been there and prevented the whole stack from falling onto her.

Overwhelmed by the day’s events, she had let her frustrations spill forth from her mouth in a torrent of words that should have made no sense to anybody. Archie had been both a good listener and her one stroke of good fortune that day. As a second year also studying English, he was able to talk her through the missing text sufficiently well for her to complete her work. Although their friendship had grown into the odd phone call or cup of tea in town, it had never graduated to socialising with each other’s friends.

The beat of the music inside changed, causing Izzy to giggle.

“Oh-my-god I love this.” Chloe squealed as Whigfield’s Saturday Night started to play. “Come on let’s go. I know the dance.”

Dramatically, Rae threw a hand in front of her eyes.

“Jesus fucking Christ no!” She moaned. “I mean this is almost as bad as The Macarena and I’ve always said that I’d need a full frontal lobotomy to dance to that.”

When she turned back towards the group, it had grown in number through the arrival of Archie’s mates. One she recognised from the footie pitch (Barney), the second she had seen in the library before and the third? The third worried her. Although Chloe would incontrovertibly describe him as the hottest boy in Lincolnshire, Rae would have described him as the moodiest fucker she had ever met. He had done an excellent job of ignoring her every time their paths crossed, apart from the time she had literally bumped into him. Practically snarling, he’d told her to look where she was going. Oddly, she could have sworn that she had seen an uncharacteristic smile flicker across his lips when she’d instantly retorted that he should take his own fucking advice.

Stranger still, was the way he’d bent down to help her pick up the scattered papers and files she had spilt all over the floor. Music had been still playing on the walkman he had retrieved, causing his brow to furrow as he’d asked “The Cure?” For some reason this rather too obvious statement had riled her and her spat out response of “And?” had caused him to revert to type. He had unceremoniously dumped the walkman on top of the pile in her arms with a small shake of the head, a “whatever” and then stormed off down the corridor.

“Rae, are you sure you won’t just come in for a quick dance?” Izzy asked hopefully.

Feeling guilty, she took a step towards the hall doors, which Chloe was holding open, and then stopped as music pervaded the air at high volume.

“I’m sorry, as much we’re great mates, I just can’t .Whig-fucking-field is a crime against music. It’s the worse kind of poison - up there with Chesney Hawkes. And, to be quite honest, I’d rather my brain was sucked out of my ears by some other means.”

As Izzy opened her mouth to respond, Rae was distracted by sniggering coming from behind her. Archie was smiling and laughing lightly but the offender was none other than Finn grumpy pants Nelson.

“What would get you on the dancefloor then, Rae?” Archie raised his eyebrows.

“Well?” A crooked smile formed on her lips. “For starters, no pop, nothing gimmicky, no boy bands and nothing mainstream.” She pursed her lips. “Actually, I could live with some mainstream if it was really banging like the Beastie Boys’ Sabotage. Now that would have a chance of getting me dancing.” She raised an eyebrow.

She heard a loud exhale, the sort that verged on a snort and turned to see Finn shaking his head with a wry smile.

“So you like to think you know something about music, do ya?” He sidled over to her, casting his gaze down to her band t-shirt, where it seemed linger on the stretched white waves printed across the black fabric.

As he brusquely dragged his eyes upwards to meet hers, Rae thought she could detect a faint blush behind the maps of his freckles that she had been so intently studying.

“I know my music.” She stated with unflinching confidence.

“Unknown Pleasures?” He cocked his head towards her t-shirt, raising his thick eyebrows.

“Got the vinyl.” She responded with a smirk and watched as his mouth quirked in slight disbelief and his fingers brushed his mouth.

“You know Closer would be my choice. It’s more melodic and a much more consistent album over all.”

“Seriously?” Her blazing eyes were wide. “I think you’ll find Unknown Pleasures has the best midsection of any album. How can you argue with “New Dawn Fades”, “She’s Lost Control” and “Shadow Play”?”

His deep brown eyes met hers as he released a pent up breath of air. “Pfft.” Checking his boot laces, he couldn’t help but allow a grin to spread across his lips. “You coming? I need a smoke.” He stated with a slightly suggestive inflection.

Rae remained rooted to the spot, in disbelief that Finn Nelson, supposedly the hottest but quietest boy ever to grace Stamford, was asking her to sneak away from the school disco.

“Unless you’re a secret Spice Girls fan.” He said nodding towards the hall with a wicked glint in his eye.

Even if she had wanted to, refusing this mysterious boy was not an option. Taking his outstretched hand, she followed him out of the building as he confidently strode off: destination unknown. His hand may have been calloused and his hold somehow gentle yet firm, but this small act had woken something deep inside her. When he finally let go to sit down on some steps beneath a canopied doorway, she was left longing for his touch once more.

Fiddling with his boot, he pulled out a tiny flask and passed it to her, their fingers brushing and causing her to nearly drop it. “Vodka” He mouthed ending in a huge grin. “Take it easy mind. We can’t have ya getting too shitfaced here.”

Almost defiantly, she took a great swig as he began to set out rizlas, tobacco and a small bag on his thigh. “So erm, what else you got in this vinyl collection of yours?”

She noticed how the eyes fixed on hers were full of intrigue. “Well, all the usual suspects - you know, The Smiths, the Roses, The Cure, Oasis, Bowie… that kind of thing. What about you, then?” She asked, raising a single eyebrow.

He swallowed thickly. “I….err….I’ve got a lot of those too. Also some Mondays, Primal Scream, some dance and some really crap reggae.” He smirked suggestively, looking at the spliff he’d just rolled.

Rae was a little confused. Was he making fun of her? Or was this some private joke? She frowned and played with her fingers. Unexpectedly, she felt his thigh knock against hers and a small charge of excitement passed through her as it came to rest solidly against her leg. She felt him light up, trying not to succumb to her desire to stare at him.

When she finally caved, he was placing the white tip between his ridiculously full lips and sucking. A little smoke escaped as he removed the roll-up and he inhaled that deeply, remained still for some seconds before finally tipping his head back and blowing out the smoke in a smooth white train. Mesmerised by his divine face, she observed unashamedly as he took a second and third drag.

“Here.” His tone was mellow as he passed the spliff to her.

Rae looked down at her hand as the alcohol induced assuredness seemed to dissipate in a flash. “I… ermmm.”  Her throat seemed to dry out and her skin prickled as she desperately tried to find the words to explain that she wasn’t who he thought she was. That it was all just an illusion. She wasn’t some cool aloof muso; she was just Rae, Rae Earl.

The weight of his shoulder leant against hers. She knew he was looking at her. Scrabbling around for something to say, she blurted out. “I don’t smoke.”

“Oh, ok.” His voice was gentle and calm as she reluctantly handed the roll up back to him.

“It’s not that I don’t want to….it’s just that….” She trailed off and pulled her cardigan sleeves over her hands and began to fidget with them.

“Do you…do you wanna try something?” This time he sounded a little nervous and his top teeth caught, and then toyed with, his bottom lip.

She nodded, fascinated by what might be coming next. Placing the joint between his lips once more, he took a lengthy drag and then closed them. Carefully, he tucked some stray strands of hair behind her ear and raised his eyebrows in question. Her almost imperceptible nod was all it took for him to press his lips against hers and slowly exhale, with one hand on her upper arm. Blowing the remainder of smoke from his lungs, he waited as she carefully exhaled herself.

“Good, yeah?” He asked tentatively.

Nodding, she watched appreciatively as a lazy smile lit up his face. There was something very disorientating about being in such tight proximity to someone she’d formed such a strong dislike of based on college legend alone. She’d always thought that he was unfairly good looking. But close up, he was completely and disarmingly beautiful. Fuck! She silently reprimanded herself for falling under his spell.

“You urr…” He waved the spliff back at her, his eyes searching.

She nodded, thrilled at the prospect of his lips meeting hers again. She wasn’t to be disappointed, as this time, he seemed to deliberately tarry as opposed to quickly moving his head away.

Some minutes later, Finn threw away the roach end and positioned himself firmly against Rae. She giggled softly and leant her head against his shoulder, which was all the signal he needed to drape an arm over her shoulders and ask her to talk him through her top tracks. Yet it took quite some persuasion to get her to acquiesce.

The conversation would follow a tit-for-tat basis; for every record she spoke about, he had to talk about one too. For Finn, talking to a near stranger usually fell into the category of a nightmare scenario, which would only render him mute or engender some degree of stuttering. But talking to her, the words seemed to come. Slow and faltering at first, but coherent nonetheless.

He was smoking a Marlboro and laughing at her tale of how she had managed to convince Mick, the record store owner, to sell her a discounted copy of Parklife, when brisk footsteps were heard.

“Ha. Thought someone was smoking. Put that out at once, Nelson. You know the rules. No smoking on school property. I don’t care if you’ve finished your a-levels. The rules still apply.”

Rae recognised Mr Brown, the geography teacher. It seemed that his tweed jacket with cord elbow patches was ubiquitous, as he seemed to have thought it appropriate attire for a disco. This only made her snigger softly into Finn’s jacket.

“Right, come on then.” Mr Brown sounded most impatient. “Can’t let you stay out here alone.” He emphasised the last word as if they had been committing some kind of crime.

Stretching himself out, Finn slowly got to his feet and extended a hand in Rae’s direction, but she quickly dropped it as soon as they were walking. The bubble had been burst such that it felt awkward and dissonant that they should be entering the party together. So, as soon as they entered the building, Rae ducked off to the toilets without a word.

Returning to the main hall, she had to suffer the hideous strains of B*Witched blaring from the speakers as the lights flooded the hall in different hues. She desperately scanned the room for her friends. Izzy was nowhere to be seen, but Chloe was dancing with some of the footie lads from the second year. Sighing, she decided that she really couldn’t go and interrupt. She was bound to fall over her feet or embarrass herself somehow and her best mate looked to be having an amazing time.

“You not dancing, Rae?” A harsh high-pitched voice barked at her from behind.

Rae’s eyes screwed up momentarily as she inhaled deeply before spinning to silently face her tormentor.

“Answer her, then.” Amy spat, looking at Rae, then sharing a Machiavellian  grin with Stacey. But Rae chose to stare at the floor and not give into whatever little game they had in mind.

“Oh, it seems I’m going to have to repeat myself for Big Miss Slow here.” Stacey cackled at her own joke. “Rae, why are you not dancing?”

Feeling humiliation saturate into her every pore, Rae shut her eyes, trying to locate something of the girl who had been holding court about What’s the Story Morning Glory with such enthusiasm and passion some twenty minutes earlier. But try as she might, she could not muster anything, for she still felt odd, as if the experience had somehow left a hollow ache.

“I am sorry.” Stacey exclaimed gleefully. “My mistake. I mean, who would actually want to dance with you!”

Somehow, this spurred Rae into action and she took a step towards Stacey and opened her mouth to allow a furious tirade to spew forth, when a strong arm caught her around the waist.

“Oh. There you are.” A voice drawled, louder than required for her sole audience. “Come on.” Finn pulled her onto the dance floor and away from the group.

“But….but, I had that.” Her eyes blazed as she glared at him.

“I’m not doubting that. But I want ta dance.” He stated coolly and unequivocally added, “With you.”

The music changed to Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit, causing Rae to laugh. “Your doing?” She pointed at the DJ.

“Might have been.” He shrugged his shoulders and grabbed her hands and started to leap around.

Laughing, she joined in, moving in time with the thudding bass. Periodically their bodies would collide, sending frissons of nervous excitement through Rae. However careful she tried to be, their bodies seemed to be near permanently touching in some way, yet it took her to the end of the song to realise that this was no accident. This was something he had been orchestrating. Relaxing through the following track, she began to undulate her hips and throw her arms aloft, singing loudly. After a pirouette, where her hair spun freely behind her, Finn’s arms encircled her and pulled her body tight to his.

At first, she was hyper aware of everyone around them. Those that might be looking, those that might be staring, and those that might be judging. But there was something about him. Something unfathomable that seemed to quieten the negative voices that still tended to be dominant at times when she felt external stress. Not only could she tolerate his touch this publically, she found herself craving it when their bodied bumped and diverged.

She barely noticed the tempo of the music had changed as their bodies remained almost melded, swaying together. His hand sliding carefully down her back roused a fresh round of sparks to ignite within her. The ever increasing thud of his heart resonating in his chest against hers, suggested to Rae that, perhaps, Finn was actually finding this as intriguing and thrilling as her. The very thought caused her to inhale sharply and deeply, pressing her chest even more firmly into his, as her fingers unthinkingly grasped the soft cotton flannel of his shirt and pulled it into her fist.

But the moment that changed everything was when she first felt his lips press a heady, moist kiss against the sensitive skin of her neck. She had never experienced anything remotely like the sensation that ricocheted through her body. A small nagging voice reminded her that being seen like this was not just akin to popping your head above the parapet, this was akin to leaping over it in a neon costume with flashing lights. Nonetheless, the voice was quickly silenced as he whispered with hot breath in her ear “Ok?” All she could do was gulp out an “mmm” and nod.

Her breath caught in her throat when he repeated the kiss, but this time dragging his lips slowly down towards her shoulder. However, the impetuous passion it incited rapidly became too intense such that she let go. She took a sizeable step backwards in a futile attempt to settle her inflamed nerve endings, which continued to tingle despite the distance now between them. She exhaled slowly, studying her converse before looking up to find him with an odd look on his face. It was somewhere between concern and confusion with the heavy-lidded hangover of lust thrown in.

They stood staring at each other for a few seconds, neither quite sure of what to say or do next. That was until Rae couldn’t quite help herself from taking a really good look at the boy she had only ever really seen from a distance in the past. His boots were loosely laced, his blue jeans slung a little low and held up with a battered leather belt, his red and blue checked flannel shirt revealed a slim fit white t shirt that hinted at the toned body beneath, his sleeves were rolled-up showcasing well defined forearms, his hair was tousled with an overly long fringe and his face. God damn his exquisite face.

“Wha’?” His brow furrowed.

“Oh…I was just…” She shifted from one foot to another. “I..I can’t believe that you think Closer is better than Unknown Pleasures.” She said mischievously.

“You’re…you’re…” His jaw dropped slightly as his eyes fell yet again on her t-shirt. Swallowing thickly, his tongue ran from the left to the right corner of his lips. “You’re impossible.” He grumbled teasingly and then his face fell into a horrified grimace. “Fuck, have we actually been dancing to Boyzone?”

She nodded with an over exaggerated wince.

“Come on then.” He took her hand and hightailed the pair of them around the edge of the hall. Pausing near the entrance, he pushed his back against the wall and appeared to ignore her whilst picking at his cuticles with real interest. Pissed off, she nudged him lightly in the side but he didn’t respond at first. So she elbowed him a little harder.

“Teachers.” He hissed under his breath as Mr Brown walked passed glancing in their direction, followed by Miss Whitehead, the English teacher.

Rae feigned utter disinterest, turning her body away from him and tapping her foot along to the total and utter dross that was playing. When Shaggy started to blare from the speakers, she snuck a look round to find Finn nodding his head in time with the beat and a derisive snort escaped unbidden from her lips.

Recklessly, he grasped her hand and rushed them out of the hall and down the main walkway, finally pulling her into a side corridor. Backs pressed against the wall, hearts thudding, they listened out keenly for footsteps. As their breathing returned to normal, Finn entwined their fingers and started to chuckle softly.

“Think we might have got away with it.” He whispered conspiratorially, giving her a grin that caused his eyes to crinkle and sparkle.

“So?” She raised her eyebrows.

He turned to face her. “I thought you could tell me, which your favourite Joy Division track is?” He smirked, trailing a finger down her her cheek and neck but stopping just short of the pattern on her t-shirt.

This was a game that Rae could play. Relishing the opportunity, she scrunched up her nose in mock concentration. “Well, “Dead Souls” has to be up there. I mean it’s so melancholy and unrelenting.” She risked putting a hand onto his forearm at this point. “But, if you forced me to choose, it would have to be “Atmosphere”.  

“Atmosphere?” His eyes widened as he took a step forward such that their bodies were as good as touching.

“The synth and drum beat create such a great ambiance, which provides great contrast to the lyrics which are all about disillusionment.” She pressed her chest into his. “The pacing of the song constantly edges towards an eruption but deliberately stops just short.” She ran a hand down his back, feeling him shiver in response. “The narrow space between notes is so brooding; such a clever, yet emotive space.”

His eyelids fluttered and he swallowed carefully to regain some composure. “Interesting choice.” His hand ghosted up her side and down her arm. “I hate to disappoint you but I think “Transmission” is a better tune.”

She raised her eyebrows in challenge.

“The bass line is so distinctive.” He pressed his hips forward into hers. “Curtis sings with such emotion and energy.” Risking the situation, he tucked some hair behind her ear and pressed his lips against her neck. “It’s a song that builds and comes to a rhythmic boil.” His lips began to work their magic on her neck again causing her to squirm in delight against him.

“And, I’m never sure what’s best.” He muttered. “The build up or the end point.” With this, he began a succession of chaste kisses from her left clavicle up her neck and towards her mouth.

Rae felt the point of no return fast approaching. Could she actually do this? Maybe she was overthinking things, but it felt like this would be no ordinary kiss. The only boy she’d kissed before had been Liam. He hadn’t exactly been her boyfriend, but things had happened between them. Urgh. She closed her mind to those unpalatable thoughts and tried to relax into Finn’s touch. His hand was definitely creeping slowly up her side again.

Thinking she was buying herself sometime, she pushed against his body and walked him back into the wall.  “Well, I think “Love Will Tear Us Apart” is better than “Transmission.””

Their noses were touching, his hands firm on her hips. “Is that so?” His lips ghosted against hers. In a flash, he had flipped them around such that he was leaning into her. “You are a right minx.” He enunciated his words deliberately and carefully. “And I, I really, really want to kiss ya.”

Her breath caught in her throat as he ran a thumb in between her lips.

“But not here.”

Before she could process what was happening, he was leading them down the corridor and opening a door. This was not what she had in mind.

“Classrooms are locked.” He stated quietly, with a hint of a tremor in his voice.

“Right, so we’re in the disabled toilet because?” Her tone was more confrontational than intended.

“I..uh…perhaps….” In that moment, he looked completely lost, shy even. “So you can tell me about which your favourite Smiths album is?”

“Oh I see.” She pouted. “Well, if you really want to know…” She unconsciously licked her lips. “It has to be “Hatful of Hollow.” I mean, “The Queen is Dead” is a very good album but Hatful just eclipses all the others. It’s one for true Smiths fans, you see and….”

Suddenly his lips were on hers, and her train of thought vanished. Yet she was first to pull back. “You don’t have to kiss me just because I have better music knowledge.” She began a little haughtily.

He took half a pace back and appraised her, his teeth grazing his bottom lip. “I told you. I really want to kiss ya. And erm…” His face creased into a smile. “I might have kissed ya just to shut you up.” He rumpled his nose. “A tiny bit.” His finger and thumb making an illustrative gesture.

That was all she needed to throw her arms around his neck and start kissing him with the ever growing ardour that was slowly overcoming her rational being. He reciprocated for what seemed like mere seconds before pulling back and placing a finger to her lips.

“Slow down.” He mumbled huskily.

Uncertain as to what he meant, and why, she remained still. Carefully, he cupped her cheek with his hand and leant in, catching her bottom lip between his. Their lips met in a succession of slow soft kisses brimming with intent and yearning. He nibbled along her bottom lip and started the tantalising small kisses again. When he finally slipped his tongue into her mouth, Rae couldn’t help but moan softly.

He certainly knew how to kiss. The fire kindled by their earlier banter was glowing hotly now, sending sparks throughout her body. It was stoked further by him kissing back down her neck towards her clavicle. The feeling of his barely there stubble against her skin was divine. As he recommenced the journey back up, she dropped her head back. HIs hands caught her around the waist as his teeth bit into the soft skin, eliciting such a moan that he gently pushed her against the wall before commencing a scorching full on kiss.

Her hands carded his hair as the kiss continued to deepen, sending her to a place where the outside world no longer existed. She could barely register what was happening as his tongue flicked effortlessly across the seam of her mouth and another small noise escaped her lips.

He pulled back slightly, lips parted, swollen and reddened, his eyes endless pools of a brown with flashes of ochre. “You ok?”

She nodded, subconsciously reacting to his nervousness by trying to affirm how ok this was. Running a hand up his shirt, she could feel the lean contours of his chest beneath. Then, she slid both her hands down his arms, noting the definition of his biceps. Finally, she placed a hand on his jaw and sought revenge by kissing his neck for quite sometime before finally meeting his lips.

The kiss that followed was of such searing intensity that Rae could do nothing but abdicate herself completely to the blistering heat established in her belly. Her back was once again steady against the wall as his hands began to ghost up her sides and trace the curves of her body.

Despite the negligible distance between their bodies, he felt compelled to push himself in that little bit harder, as an unknown fervour began to suffuse his being. He wasn’t sure where he stopped and she started. Before he was fully aware of what he was doing, his hips were grinding slowly against hers, revealing the true devastation she’d wreaked on his body. As her hand slipped under his t-shirt, a low groan escaped his lips that only seemed to spur her own.

She felt his body completely hard against her now. Any lingering flight instinct had long left her, such that she revelled in the moment and a low growl emanated from his lips as she tilted her pelvis firmly against him. She felt his hand slide from her waist, up her side and tentatively onto her breast. His fingers gently circled her hardened nipple, sending her deeper into unknown territory. Nothing had ever felt like that before.

He was a complete mess. It was as if he had lost all control over his body, which was responding effortlessly and instinctively to hers. He had never intended for things to happen this fast, especially with this incomprehensible girl in these  less than salubrious surroundings. Trying to gather the remnants of his wits, he broke off the kiss to just hold her.

Rae was grateful for the respite from the feverish and sensual potency of the entanglement of their bodies. But as she inhaled his musky scent, she understood she really didn’t wish for things to stop. Yet simultaneously, she was aware that she really wasn’t ready for his intimate touch. Almost unthinkingly, her hand began its path under his t-shirt again. She watched as his eyes fell shut and his breath caught in his throat. And then the thought came to her. Testing the waters, her fingertips dipped under the waistband of his jeans. On the second pass, his mouth dropped open and a juddering breath left his mouth, so she reached a little lower and skimmed the very tip of him.

His eyes blew wide open in a startle, but he was still breathing heavily.

“May I?” She asked ever so softly, with her fingers on his belt.

His lips opened and closed a couple of times as his brain fought to keep up. All logical thought was lost as her palm cupped him with a feather light touch.

“I…” He bit his bottom lip and exhaled slowly. “You don’t have to.”

She appraised his blown pupils, the flush that spread from his face down his neck and under his t-shirt. “I want to. I mean if you would like me to.” Her voice was very small.

He chewed the inside of his cheek and closed his eyes for a few seconds. “It’s not that I don’t want ya to…” He pursed his lips. “I jus’…I jus’ don’t want ya doing anything that you will regret in the morning… or next week or……”

She placed a finger against his lips. “I really, really want to. But only if you’re properly ok with it.”

His answer was to unbuckle his belt and undo his flies. But then he stood there, a little uncertain and frowned, until her lips met his once more. Their kiss was already familiar and soothing, yet simultaneously saturated with want. Tangling his hand in her hair, he pulled her body against his once more;, kissing her lasciviously came so naturally that he was soon rolling his pelvis against hers. But she stilled him with a hand on his chest and then raised his t-shirt.

She failed to suppress a gasp, noting his physique, and bit her tongue. Before long, her lips were on his chest, tasting his skin, his salt, his musk. He laid a hand softly on her back as she started to nip at his skin, making him wriggle in anticipation.

When she finally dropped her knees to taste his stomach, he pressed his back firmly against the wall to steady the slight shake that was developing. The feeling of her mouth on his lower abdomen was divine and he had completely missed how she had managed to pull his jeans and boxers down. He observed her peppering him with small kisses but shut his eyes, aware that the sight alone was enough to make him fall to pieces.

They instantly fluttered open again, as if in shock, when she finally took him in her mouth. Somehow, she seemed to sense his nerves and began to hum a familiar tune, his brain struggled to place. Looking up at him, with a devilish grin in her eye, she winked and then hummed a little louder.

“This Charming Man.” He uttered with a cracked voice.

She smiled and then began to swirl her tongue around him. The sensations radiated through his body, making him feel feverish. Throwing his arms above his head, he began to see stars as he fell l helplessly into a state of ecstasy. Gruff low sounds, he barely recognised as his own escaped his lips.

Rae couldn’t quite believe what she was doing, and to whom. Watching this extraordinary looking boy with incredible taste in music, come apart under her mouth, was one of the most empowering experiences of her life. Enjoying being in control, she wondered what it would be like were he to touch her, something that she believed he had most likely wanted to. But she was proud of herself for recognising that would have been a step too far for her at this stage.

Feeling his body capitulating to her mouth as he groaned, she renewed her assault with heightened vigour, closing her eyes.

Unexpectedly, the door opened noisily.

“Oh my lord.” A familiar strict voice interrupted them and then coughed. “Right. I’m going to, err, close this door to give you a minute to… erm. I shall expect you to come out as soon as you are decently attired.”

The illusion shattered, Rae hung her head collapsed forward until her face met her palms. This could not be happening. The Head could not have… This must be a dream. Opening her fingers slightly, she spied a pair of boots and the familiar regular tiles of the disabled toilet.

Shuffling, she pulled her knees to her chest and then buried her face in them.

“Rae?” She felt a hand on her shoulder and flinched.

Cold began to seep in as soon as the hand was removed and left her shaking slightly.

“Please. Can I help ya get up? We ermm… shit this is my fault. I should’ve locked the door. I’m so so sorry.” He whispered.

Understanding the seriousness of the situation, somehow she got herself to her feet. It was only when she saw him and those eyes replete with worry that she started to feel odd. Her blood began to rush in her ears. The feeling of discombobulation was so all consuming, that her breathing rapidly became ragged and out of control.

“Rae… Rae?” His voice sounded a little sharp, yet unsteady as he gently placed a hand on her arm.

Hearing the footsteps outside the door sent her over the edge. Twisting violently away from his contact, she started towards the door in a blind panic, but upon remembering what was on the other side, she turned back, barely able to breathe.

“1234.” She muttered under her breath but it got away from her. “12347 fuck… fuck.”  The fingers of her right hand instinctively began to claw at her left.

“Whoa…whoa..” Finn firmly took her hands in his.

She tried to fight a little, but the room was spinning in ever decreasing circles.

“Slow your breathing down.” He murmured. “It’s okay. I’ll deal with the shit storm. This is all my fault.” He said calmly but very quietly and began to rub her hands with the lightest of touches.

There was something in his hands that Rae couldn’t quite understand. He hadn’t run away or freaked out at being caught, and with her of all people. As he began to quietly sing “There is a light that never goes out,” somewhat out of tune, she allowed her head to rest against him as she took some calming breaths before placing her hands on the edge of the sink.

“Right, that’s it. You’ve had plenty of time, I’m coming in.” The Head stormed back in, to find Rae leaning over the sink, still hyperventilating somewhat with Finn gently rubbing her back.

“Please, can you just give us another minute? She’s erm… she’s…”

“Rae, are you alright?” The Head glared at Finn. “Is this a panic attack?”

Rae shook her head. “Just felt a bit dizzy as I got up.”

“Alright. But I will be standing right outside that door.”

As the door closed. Rae dropped her head and thought about the evening’s events. As Kester had told her, actions have consequences. She had wanted it as much as Finn, who was still rubbing her back and had reverted to singing slightly out of tune.

Turning to face him, she saw the fear in his eyes.

“Rae,I’m so sorry… I never meant for you to….shit, what the fuck have I done?” He stuttered disconsolately. “I’m such a selfish dickhead.”

“I wanted to.” She whispered. “I wanted you. It’s just… it was a bit of shock, that’s all.” Ever so carefully she reached for him and took a step forward to hug him.

When he gently reciprocated, she whispered. “Taking it that “The Queen is Dead” is your favourite Smiths’ album, you could at least have got the lyrics right. Lightweight.”

He coughed in surprise and then smiled. “Yeah well… I might have been a bit concerned and…”

“Excuses, excuses.” She chided.

He kissed her hair. “Right we’d better um…”

“Go and face the music.” She grimaced in an over exaggerated fashion.

**************************  
The Head walked them in silence to her office. Every now and again, Rae would catch Finn looking at her. The Head unlocked her office, switched the lights on and gestured at the pair to take a seat. Instead of sitting behind her desk, she perched on the edge of it, making her look even more foreboding than usual.

Finn was slow to sit, sinking into his seat with a sigh and picking at his cuticles. Rae noticed how they already looked a little raw and this troubled her.

“Right then. Let’s start with what you were doing in the disabled toilet?” The Head raised her eyebrows and looked expectantly.

Silence.

This time her look hardened and Rae begun to feel a little intimidated.

The silence continued.

“I wasn’t born yesterday. I have a very good idea what was going on. So, which one of you is going to start, humm?”

Finn caved first. “I…uhhh….you see….it were…it were my fault…” He sounded defeated and so unlike the boy Rae had talked to earlier that it unnerved her.

“What Finn is trying to say is that it was his fault because he forgot to lock the door.” Rae’s brain was working overtime as the words seemed to come from nowhere.

“And how exactly does that explain….”

“Well, you know what the tiled floors are like in the toilets Miss! They really are hazardous. I opened the door, not realising anyone was in there. I slipped and fell and my mouth accidentally ended up…there…” She stated far more brazenly than her pounding heart would imply.

The Head scoffed in disbelief and her jaw dropped open. “You?” She frowned.

“I slipped and fell and….”

“Oh Christ.” The Head put her hand in front of her eyes as she shook her head.

“Look Rachel, I think it’s important that you understand that boys will say things when they want something. They might bend the truth and manipulate…”

“As I said, I slipped and fell and…”

“Enough.” The head held out her hand. “Finn, can you go and stand outside please?”

Rae rolled her eyes, but said nothing as he stood up and shuffled out of the room with his head bowed. She could just about make out that he was chewing his cheek under his furrowed brow as he opened, and then closed the door.

The head took the chair Finn had been sitting on and moved it closer to Rae’s. She shuffled it in a couple of times and angled it slightly to one side.

“Rachel. I know you don’t always want to listen, but this is really important. I want you to think about this really carefully. As I said, sometimes in the heat of the moment, things will be said. They may sound well meaning. Compliments and other forms of flattery. There may be no malicious intent, but they may be used to persuade you to do something you wouldn’t normally do or something you don’t feel quite comfortable with. I need to know if anything of the sort happened this evening.”

“How many times do I have to tell you that I…”

“You slipped and fell. I got that bit.” The Head sounded exasperated. “You know you are one of brightest students. A real rising star. I just never had you down as the type who would…”

“Who would what?”

“Who would fall for…”

“That’s enough.” Rae stood up. “I do not have to sit here and listen to this.”

“Sit down, young lady. As head of this college, the safety and wellbeing of my students is of paramount importance. I have to ask, to be certain. Is there anything further you would like to tell me?”

Rae shook her head.

“Fine.” The Head responded with a wry smile on her face, and opened the door.

“Please wait out here while I speak to Finn. And, please don’t do one of your famous disappearing acts, otherwise you will leave with me no choice but to call your mother tonight, which I am sure will be especially unpopular given she has a baby.”

Rae’s face fell in horrified silence. As the door shut, she was left to cogitate the wisdom of her actions along with their potential repercussions. The thought of her mother finding out was so far beyond terrifying that she could not even bear to begin to contemplate it.

It seemed Finn had barely been in the office for a couple of minutes, when the dooropened again.

“I have a couple of calls I need to make. I want you to wait outside, but the door is staying open.”

Rae slumped down the wall onto the bench seat. “Who does she think she is… I mean, it’s absolutely over the top. All that crap she was spouting about manipulation and…”  
Her words dried up as she looked over at Finn.

“You uh… you sure you’re ok? I mean, I didn’t hurt ya or…” He stammered.

“I wanted to. End of.”

She studied his face; he looked a little worn and on edge. “She’s trying to call me dad again. I told her she wouldn’t get him at this time of night. Silly cow has excluded me for the last week of the year. It’s not as if it really matters. I just have to miss the trip to Alton Towers and the leavers’ tea party.” He smiled thinly.

The head came out of her office again. “Right. Finn, I am going to find Mr. Brown to escort you off the premises. As it seems I cannot get hold of your father, I shall have to organise a meeting one evening next week. Even though you’re leaving college, this is a serious matter and I cannot leave it as is. You know the rules about sexual contact between students.”

She turned to face Rae and spoke in a softer tone. “As for you, I hope you will think upon our conversation over the weekend. I want to you to come and see me at 9am on Monday morning.”

“You mean I’m not being suspended?”

“No. I don’t think that’s appropriate in this case.”

“You what? Why? We were both… oh, I see. Oh, really? You thought that… oh my fucking god!”

“Rae.” Finn jumped up and put a hand on her arm. Just as another tirade was about to leave her lips, Mr. Brown arrived and started talking to the head. It appeared they were having something of a strained conversation.

Glancing up, Rae saw Finn staring at her, brows almost knitted together with disquiet. So she smiled warmly at him and watched as he pursed his mouth, looked at his boots and finally looked up again.

“So, do you seriously think Hatful of Hollow is better than The Queen is Dead? I mean, how can you beat “There is a light that never goes out”?” Finn began quietly, eager for just a few more minutes with this unique girl.

“Actually, that is my favourite Smiths track.” She replied with a smile and a quirk of the eyebrow. “I just happen to think Hatful is the better album. It’s less obvious more subtle and… well, it’s not the sort of thing that people who like Babylon Zoo would listen to.”

Finn grinned. “Erm, what’s wrong with Babylon Zoo? I reckon that Spaceman is…”

“Stop right there!” Rae put her hand out. “You can’t….”

“Spaceman is a banging tune. Anyone with half decent…”

“You have to be joking. That track! That track is the epitome of what is wrong with music these days.”

“You wha’?” Finn’s lip curled up at the side.

“For starters, it’s mainstream. It’s gimmicky, silly and has no real musical quality.”

“I happen to think that the Arthur Baker remix part is really clever.”

“You’re wrong. That song has no redeeming qualities. Whatsoever.”

“Hu Hummm.” Both Rae and Finn looked up to see both the Head and Mr. Brown looking at them. “If you two have finished bickering, I shall escort Mr. Nelson here to the gates.”

Finn stood up, incapable of concealing the smile on his lips.

“Come on then.” Mr. Brown said.

Finn started to follow him. But he stopped at the corner to look at Rae one last time. His gaze lingered as Rae put a hand up to wave as subtly as she could.

He was soon out of sight, and Rae stared at her converse, wondering how on the earth the evening had turned out like this.  When she finally made it safely into her bed later that night, she found herself humming The Smiths.


End file.
